Friday, February 11, 2011

Dear John

I gave too much credit to the story

Of why you weren’t present in my life

I didn’t realize at the time

You were poison of the bitterest kind


You left me to feel

Underestimated

Underappreciated

Under rug swept


You left me to feel

Unworthy

Ungood

Undeserving


What’s a girl to do with that?

How’s this girl supposed to feel?

And you wonder why I won’t

Why I’ll never call you dad.


You can be so lethal

Words slice like blades

It’s all about you

All the time and I’m tired of it


Could you ever see me?

Could you ever look beyond you?

Your tunnel vision is making me crazy

Your stories ever changing


I have had enough


Why must you always

Did your claws in so deep

Why is it I lack the ability

To make you understand


Do you even see me?

Do you have a clue who I am?

Allow me to introduce you

To the girl you left in 1982


I’m the girl who can’t believe anyone

I’m the girl who doubts everything

The queen of second-guessing

Nothing I do will ever be good enough


Dear John,

I kick my own ass

No one can beat me down

Quite like I can


I pick myself apart

I worry the world I know

Will soon fall out

From under my feet


For me to thrive

For me to survive

It’s time to cut the cord

It’s time to let go


Every time, every single time

You verbally beat me down

You tear me apart

Those days are over


It’s time for me to move

To put one foot in front of the other

To leave the past in the past

It’s time to bid farewell


I forgive you

But I must move past you

If there's a shred

Of hope for me to grow

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